Nova 17

After six months without contact I no longer found purpose in checking the sat com’s. Huston’s last transmission echoed in my head “where going dark for a while, hold tight.” A while had come and passed… multiple times. I never found sense in holding on to delusional thoughts just to spare myself some sanity. Huston wasn’t going to pull us out of orbit. We were stuck aboard space station Nova 17 indefinitely. It was a ridiculous notion to believe that there was still hope. One Sam held on to very tightly. He was a polar opposite to me in many ways, he was a god fearing man. Just his belief in some sort of divine power was enough to highlight all our differences.

“Shit shit shit shit. It has been six months! I can’t even get a blip to come up on the Coms.” Sam slammed his fists against the hull of the station. His frustrations had been mounting, and I had yet to reveal to him that I thought Huston no longer existed. I knew it would just start a fight, but I didn’t care anymore.

“Sam Huston is gone. We are alone up here man. No one is going to save us.” I spoke soft and slow. Trying not to add any more sting to the words than already existed in there meaning.

“I can’t believe that Raylen. What’s life without hope?” Sam tried hard to have faith in his words, but I could tell his morality was eroding.

“It’s just life.” Sam pondered the severity of my reply, I am sure that such thoughts would take him to a very dark place. Yet I didn’t want to take my words back ignorance may be bliss, but if I couldn’t enjoy bliss, why should anyone? I made my way over to the exposed viewing window and watch the earth crawl through the black void. It was so odd to me, from where I was the earth looked massive and slow, lumbering on its course around the sun. but in reality it was a small rock tearing through a massive cosmic arena. My view was subjective in and objective universe. And I longed to be objective as well.

“Raylen, what do you think is the most important aspect of life?” such a heavy question crashed into my ears, causing a rather devastating ripple of thoughts, but I clung to one.

“None of it is important in the grand scheme. A life is a collection of random occurrences that hold no more value than one places on them. And the value one does place on them is an idealistic delusion.” Again I could see my words seeping into Sam’s mind. I wasn’t sure of how much I was altering inside that head of his. He had become so weak and desperate. The days had laid waste to his mind set. His faith was crumbling, his hope slipping and his positivity fading. Something that happened to most on earth as they lived their life, but for Sam it took the vast solitude of space to shake his outlook to the core.

“If none of this is important what exactly is the point?” Sam’s question was laced more with challenge that inquisitive nature.

“The point is simple, there isn’t one. You can try to place meaning on different aspects of your life, but you’ll just be lying to yourself and once you realize that, it’s almost impossible to believe yourself.”

“Dam ray, you have a bleak outlook on things. You should work on that.” Sam laughed to himself , and made his way off to the other side of the station. But I wasn’t going to work on my outlook, I was simply going to wait for my words to soak in. I was going to let them trigger Sam’s rationality. Forcing him to think about his life logically rather than spiritually, and in time I knew he would see things the way that I did. Sam and I found our separate ways to the sleeping capsules, closing the doors on wakefulness as we faded from reality into a delusional slumber.

8 months had passed since last radio contact with NASA. We had stretched our life reserves as far as we could, and our supplies where waning toward exhaustion. Sam had a mental breakdown; he hadn’t spoken to me in weeks. He only whispered nonsense to himself and I feared what his emotional weak state was doing to the both of us. I had had enough of the silent treatment; I had to snap him out of this… for the both of us.

“Sam, Sam. I know you don’t want to talk to me but we have to figure out what we are going to do.”

“What do you mean what are we going to do? There is no fucking point, can’t you see that? These fucking delusions serve us no purpose. We are as fucked up here as we would have been down there.” It was evident Sam had lost what little sanity had remained in the months after losing contact. He spoke with viciousness in his voice that almost made him sound evil. I couldn’t help but wonder who much of his current state was my fault.

“You’re nothing more than a voice In my head Raylen… leave me to the silence!” There was nothing I could do. Over the next few days Sam feverishly scratched up drawings and diagrams that made no sense. He would stay up late into the nights, rerouting wires all throughout the stations. Weaving them into a tangled mess of which the logic only his crazed mind could understand. Sam had lost everything. He was a subhuman shell.

The lack of Sam’s sanity caused me to question my own. I contemplated killing him, putting him out of his misery and using his flesh to prolong my own life. Dark thoughts like that seemed almost bland in our dire situation.

“Sam! SAM! Don’t eat all of that! It’s our last ration. Sam please you need to save some of that for later!” my pleas fell on ignorant ears as Sam devoured the last ration in an animalistic manor.

“We have no use of it for later. Later doesn’t exist for us. It’s no longer tangible.” Sam began trashing his head back and forth as he laughed. The solitude of space had crippled him. His mind was warped and rotted.

“Sam what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“YOU! You are what’s wrong fucking wrong. Life is void of reason! God is but a creation of man! Purpose is a lie! You spit your venomous words and I listened. Your rationality has killed us both. You couldn’t leave well enough alone, you need answers, you couldn’t let faith be faith and god be god you had to rationalize everything away till our emotions had no vessel, and now they run rampant through my head screaming in PAIN! PAIN! You fucking did this Raylen, now watch me as I undo you!” Sam’s tirade exploded as he violently lunged forward. He pulled his weightless body through the station. I had no idea where Sam thought he was going.

“Depressurizing Cabin, Stand back for exit.” The computerized voice told me it was too late for me to undo Sam’s actions. He exited the station, floating out into open space without his suit. I pulled myself into view of the closest window. Sam was gasping for air, his skin turned a blood red and began to blister and pop as it boiled in the sun’s rays. It was horrifying to watch Sam’s existence fade in exposed space. But as his life faded before me, so did I. and with Sam’s death I too ceased to exist. Space station Nova17 was in orbit with a crew of one. Sam had been the only leaving being aboard Nova17. And now there was no one.



(explanation: I don’t like having to explain the stories for values sake. Often times writing is subjective even if written with an objective purpose. But long story short Nova17 is about the rationalization and the forced tangibility of science based thinking. Where only what is tangible is real and the rest is delusion. This kind of thinking strips beauty and purpose from our lives driving us insane. Raylen was the rational science based side of Sam’s personality. And while floating through space Sam’s desperate need for human interaction caused him to create Raylen. Eventually Raylen wins out in the battle of rationality and spirituality driving Sam to suicide.)